Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb on Guns

I don’t know about you but if our federal government ever came after Tim Bridgewater, one of two Republican candidates running for the US Senate in Utah’s June 22nd primary, I would be on the government’s side. Tim is so worried that Obama and the UN are going to take his guns away that he and his adherents are prepared to fight to the death. Of course Mr. Bridgewater was talking tough for the illiterate masses in Utah who mistakenly believe the “Small Arms Treaty” currently being debated will infringe on their “right to bear arms.”

On Monday June 7, 2010, KUED broadcast a pre-recorded debate, in conjunction with the Hinckley Institute of Politics at the University of Utah (, between Tea Bagger Tim Bridgewater and his opponent Tea Bagger Mike Lee. Both secessionists talked confidently and boldly about how they were going to transport all Utahan’s back to 1787 when our  US Constitution was first adopted.

Since both candidates like hyperbole I thought I would use the same tact. Just suppose the government really did want to take Timmy’s toys away how do you think they would pull it off, given our military’s dominance over any adversary on earth. Tim wouldn’t stand a chance with the “small arms” he’s got. I doubt his collection even includes a flame thrower let alone a grenade launcher.

We could take him out from virtually anywhere in the world with a remote drone. A cruise missile would be overkill and a bomber a waste of fuel. Probably just send one sniper, although we could also see a Utah version of  David Koresh’s Branch Dividian, Mount Carmel Center and his apocalypse outside of Waco,Texas in 1993. However, this time it would  go down in Happy Valley, Utah with Tim and his followers.

I’m afraid if our military is still fighting two wars they would send the FBI instead. I’m sure they would  want in on that action. If what I’ve seen on TV is true they are well equipped too. Oh, let’s not forget our own local government such as the Sheriff’s and Police’s SWAT teams. They are eager beavers and usually all they get out for are domestic disturbances-they would love the change.

If I interfered on Tim’s side they would arrest me. The prudent 56 year old in me says to stay out of their way and avoid Pleasant Grove, Utah for awhile if the need arose. I had  better go east on US 40 before going south in the state if I was traveling from Salt Lake City.

At the same time it would be the biggest  story in decades and would lead in the Salt Lake Tribune, Ogden Standard Examiner and the Desert News. I’m sure it would make it to television, radio, cyberspace and the New York Times. Just think, Tim’s very own “YouTube” video of his last day on earth.

I seriously doubt that Tim wants to “take on” the federal government but in order for him and his family to move to hot and humid Washington D.C. he must sound and act tough. Ironic for the fact that it would entail dismantling the very same government that would pay his salary and benefits. You know the one with the cushy health care, paid staffs, gymnasium, young interns, lobbyist’s money, air fare and no term limits.

However, in order to get to the promised land Tim and Mike are running a paranoid “bad government” me good campaign of states rights and a return to a literal interpretation of the constitution that was ratified 223 years ago in 1787 (Mike gave us the date).

As with their ill advised remarks about the resumption of nuclear testing in Nevada, Tim and Mike didn’t do their homework again. Someone should of told these two that the curb on the power of the federal government wasn’t ratified until 1791 in “The Bill of Rights” which includes our precious and sacrosanct  2nd amendment right to bear arms. What a choice.

Posted in Military, Politics, Utah Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Vinnie’s comment on Tweedle Dee

Social Security has been a great success story since inception. The Feds run this program like a Swiss watch. To fix the long term finances all we need is to uncap payroll taxes. Then its good to go for 100 years.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

My neighbor’s comment on Tweedle Dee

These two guys ages added together are higher than either of their IQ’s. “Republicans, your choice this year to be YOUR SENATOR for the next six years is either Ronald McDonald or Bozo the Clown.” I know, I know, they look a lot alike, but when you dig deeper, there are real differences. One is dumb, the other is stupid.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb and Social Security

“I am really concerned about what Lee and Bridgewater are reading and watching these days,” Marvelous told me this morning. “Why would you be concerned  about what these guys are reading?” I exclaimed. “Because I think they are getting really bad ideas and it could ultimately harm their health in the long run,” Marvelous went on. “Our countries health and prosperity, although important, are not at issue here.”

Because the government trained me to think the way I do (and there fore I have a valid excuse) I wanted more details before agreeing or disagreeing with Marvelous’ assessment. Since the Captain had a prior engagement and didn’t have the patience or time to bring me up to speed, I let him off the hook and went to visit Uncle Tom who is a veritable font of wisdom and knowledge in our neighborhood.

Besides he doesn’t mind reading the paper to me because he knows I haven’t learned braille yet.

Uncle Tom runs a sort of general store with a big pickle barrel set up in the middle. Guys and gals gather around it all day and BS while UT attempts to work. I say attempts because, like the rest of us, he is easily distracted, and he often comments on our conversations as well as bringing up new and interesting things to talk about too. Much like a dog, my ears perk up when UT speaks.

“What do you want me to read you today Captain Bly?” UT asked as I walk into his shop with my Saturday’s Salt Lake Tribune clutched in my left hand. “I think something in the paper caught Captain Marvel’s eye and he’s concerned about Mike Lee and Tom Bridgewater’s health,” I said. “Mental health or physical health?” UT asked quickly (he’s as sharp as a tack). “Could be both I suppose, I didn’t ask,” I offered. “OK, let me see the paper,” Tom said.

“Wow, I think Captain Marvel is right,” Tom began after a moment of reading.  “You should see the headlines on the front page, ‘Lee: Have states run Social Security and Senate> Bridgewater wants private accounts; both hopefuls support raising retirement age’,” Tom began to read aloud. “Utah’s Republican Senate candidates have outlined a vision for reforming Social Security that includes raising retirement ages, private accounts and, in Mike Lee’s case, taking the retirement safety net away from the federal government and letting states run it.”

“Are they insane?” I asked. “What bubble have they been living in the last 30-40 years?” “The pretty great state of denial bubble, I’m afraid,” Tom responded. “Hell, the one clown is not even 40 years old.”

Tom was skimming the article now and occasionally making comments. “Listen to this, Lee wants to raise the retirement age to 77 for workers who are 47 years old today.” “I needed both wrists fused the last few years because of my years of manual labor, where would that leave a fella like me?” I asked. “At the mercy of the market I suppose,” Tom answered. “That’s not very comforting,” I said. “I don’t know about you but what little money I have in stocks now wouldn’t help out much, I am living off of my social security now.”

“Where do these yokels get their ideas,” I asked. “I suspect at places like Human Events, Daily News, Ann Coulter or Glenn Beck websites,” UT replied. “Just yesterday I read one Human Events email that “suggested” that with a 23 cent nutrient you could reverse 50 years of arterial plaque buildup, remove “rogue” calcium deposits, avoid a heart or brain event that could ruin your life and keep your arteries as clean as a whistle.” “The next email was once again all about how to make money out of thin air-how to cash in on the global sell off and tripling your money on call options every few weeks,” Tom stopped.

“I think I see Marvelous’s point, “ I began. “So if I bought the miracle drug they are shilling and “invested” in call options I wouldn’t have to worry about social security because I would live to be 100 and be filthy rich besides.” “Those ideas have been discredited for years,” I mused. “Had these things been true I wouldn’t have needed a double bypass last year and I could go on eating BBQ ribs and pork rinds the rest of my life in Happy Valley.”

These Lee and Bridgewater characters are like watching the “Honeymooners” on bad acid with the exception these guys are in living color (pink mostly). Is it possible that these right wing wacko sites they are getting their ideas from are using “subliminal” messaging much like the Beatles and Rolling Stones did back in the 60’s?

“Tweedle dee and twiddle dum, I fidget and I squirm around,” and once again these two clowns put their respective foot in their  respective mouths. What a choice Utah voters have this year. You would think they would have learned from last week’s fiasco where they lobbied for the resumption of nuclear testing in Utah’s backyard.

Posted in Financial Reform, Politics, Social Security, Uncategorized, Utah Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Profiting from the Destruction of America

Whenever I come upon some extra money I like to gamble. No, not in Wendover, Reno or Las Vegas, Nevada. I like to gamble in the stock market. Yesterday in my inbox was an email from my favorite sexy social commentator Ann Coulter. Yeah, she’s controversial but I like blonds, what can I say.

The email I got was entitled, “My #1 Way to Profit as Obama Destroys Capitalism,” by Ann Coulter. Wow I thought, how patriotic would that be for me to personally profit from the destruction of my country. I wanted in on the action but, as before, I always contact my financial advisor before making any leaps of faith.

You may recall my cousin Vinnie (boy did I get a tongue lashing for misspelling his name in one of my past columns.) As an aside, I can’t tell you his last name because he’s been in the witness relocation program for years and he is a marked man. He’s slowed down a little and is a ways into his retirement but still pretty sharp.

For instance, when I received an offer for box seats at the Utah Buzz games for $7, he reminded me we only pay six as senior citizens and we sit anywhere we want. He may be old but he’s still remembers how to make money-by not spending it.

“Vinnie you tight wad, what do you think of this deal?” I wrote in the body of the message I forwarded to him. “You upset and disgust me,” he wrote back. He didn’t clarify why I upset and disgusted him so I wrote back and in turn received the following reply.

“Well, its amazing that she’s shilling for a financial advisor. What the (bad word) does she know about the economy and investing? As far as I know, she’s never even ventured an opinion. The guy she’s selling, wonder if he’s as portrayed. Could be a mini Madoff.” “Wouldn’t that be cool,” I responded.

“Boy you sure don’t listen very well,” he said. I thought golly I’m only a few years younger than he is and he’s calling me boy. No sooner than the thought came into my head I received yet another email from Vinnie.

“For crying out loud this is the last time I am going to explain this to you,” he said. “The basis of all this horse pucky is still “Reganonmics.”

“ Reganonmics?” I asked.  “Basic principal being that a rising tide lifts all boats. If government takes good care of the wealthy (tax reduction, no regulation ) then all will eventually benefit. Supply side eco is related….take care of the producers and demand will take care of itself,” Vinnie explained.

“Sounds like a good thing to me,” I cautiously offered. “You ninny, how is this all working out for us?? Huge structural deficit (before anything that Obama passed), stagnant or declining wages over the last decade and even a flat stock market since 1998,” Vinnie concluded.

I was tempted to dismiss my friends advice I was so taken in by Ann’s rhetoric (and smile): “I hope, you would think twice about trusting your retirement savings to someone who secretly despised — or simply didn’t understand — the free-market capitalist system that makes profits and prosperity possible,” Ann writes.

But as I was milling her words and Vinnie’s advice around in my head I had an epiphany. I certainly wasn’t making any profits in my small stock “gambling” portfolio nor was I any more prosperous than I was at the beginning of George’s reign. The guys that were more prosperous than the rest of us were under indictment,  going to jail or killing themselves I realized.

Next time I receive an email from Ms. Coulter with financial advice I’m going send it directly to my junk mail folder so I’m not tempted. “Junk mail sounds so much like junk bonds,” I muttered as I fell to sleep.

Posted in Financial Reform, Politics, Utah Politics | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Karl “Bush’s Brain” Has an Opinion

As you, the reader, have probably figured out by now, I am easily confused. For example, when folks a few years back referred to Karl Rove as Bush’s brain I was really perplexed.

Since George acted on his “gut,” his decisions would not require higher brain function. You do not need a cerebrum to make these kind of decisions. All you need are your brain stem, cerebellum and pons. I knew George had those so where did Karl come in?

George, I was pretty sure, had his own visual and auditory complexes which allowed him to take everything in and “process” all the information in the classic comic books Karl told us he liked to read in his spare time. As I recall this was pretty much all the time.

Upon further reflection, the word “process” with respect to Mr. Bush is somewhat of an oxymoron in that his processing of anything other than vacation time was pretty limited.

And then folks were saying George kept referring to Karl Rove as some form of “turd.” I thought feces were in the lower digestive tract and not in the brain but I might have missed a couple of lectures on anatomy.

Unfortunately a recent opinion piece by Mr. Rove entitled “Karl Rove: Yes the Gulf Spill is Obama’s Katrina,” appeared in the Washington Post and I was utterly baffled.

I was bewildered because just a month ago on Mr. Rush Limbaugh’s show, Rush assured us the spill was no big deal and that fried fish were really good as long as you were taking a statin drug for high cholesterol. Now Karl is saying the exact opposite.

Don’t you wish these guys would stay on the same page? I am getting mixed messages from my “reliable news sources.” During times like these I turn to my other more reliable information source, my buddy Marvelous.

I call him Marvelous because when he and I were little he had a Captain Marvel costume and I was the Green Lantern.

Marvelous told me, “Maybe Karl knows something Rush doesn’t know. Perhaps, while George was spending all his time blogging and therefore didn’t need his “brain,” Rove went back to school and  became a petroleum engineer.”

What he said seemed plausible but I was still not convinced so I called up my other buddy who once worked in the oil fields of Wyoming the same time I did. “Hey Delli what’s with Karl calling the BP oil spill, Obama’s Katrina.”

Delli told me, “ I know that you’re partially blind, you must not be reading much anymore are you?” “What have I missed” I asked? “Why you missed David Brook’s excellent opinion piece in the New York Times,” “Drilling for Certainty,” May 27, 2010.

“Wait a minute I still have the copy, let’s see” he said, “In the weeks since the Deepwater Horizon explosion, the political debate has fallen into predictably partisan and often puerile categories. Conservatives say this is Obama’s Katrina. Liberals say the spill is proof the government should have more control over industry.”

I had to cut him off because he is prone to ramble on and he lost me on the word puerile AND “She who must be obeyed,” was calling me for dinner.

After dinner I remembered “Stanford Barbie,” Gretchen Carlson, telling me on FOX that whenever  she couldn’t remember the definition or pronunciation of a word she used the dictionary. Since I didn’t own one I had to go to the public library where I used one to look up the word puerile.

Puerile. Adjective. “you’re too old for these puerile outbursts”: childish, immature, infantile, juvenile, babyish; silly, inane, fatuous, jejune, asinine, foolish, petty.

And then it hit me. This was the portion of Bush’s brain that Karl was providing poor George.

Posted in Environment, Global Warming, Politics, Science | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

They Came in Cardboard Boxes

They came in plain cardboard boxes with a note inside expressing our nation’s condolences and offering the enclosed flag as token of gratitude and as a sentimental reminder of the ultimate sacrifice their loved ones made for our country.

During WWII these boxes were preceded by a telegram notifying  the recipient of the death of their son, daughter, sister, brother, husband or wife in the service of the United States.

The box that I opened with my close friend last night contained a burial flag  but instead of white stars on a blue background it had gold stars on the same background. The significance, if any, of the gold stars is perhaps a moot point in that the flag itself was a symbolic reminder of their loss.

In today’s email I read a DoD press release: “DoD Identifies Marine Casualty.” Unfortunately another grieving family will receive their own flag soon. Semper Fi.

Posted in Military, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment