Dang gone it, I should hire some better editors because they published my last editorial without correcting my egregious spelling error. Right off the bat I called Senator Hatch, Senator Snatch! I hope I am forgiven and I felt so bad upon learning of my mistake, and since it has been happening a lot lately, I called up my shrink.
After consoling me and re writing a script for stronger memory enhancement drugs he suggested I possibly had made what is known as a “Freudian Slip.” I must admit I did know what the term really meant and my first reaction was that it meant slipping into bed with your mother shortly after killing your father.
I told this to him and he assured me that my gaff was something else entirely and it was related to a defensive sub conscious thought process we all have. Upon hearing this I jumped to yet another premature conclusion in thinking he was comparing my thought process to the sub conscious, divorced from reality, rationality that the rank and file tea baggers use.
“No, no zat is not what I meant either, dummkopf,” Doctor Dunkenstein responded. “Vat I mean is that your sub conscious mind was associating one thought with another unspoken thought.” I chewed on that for awhile and assured him I meant nothing vulgar as I seemed to recall that some men use the derogatory expression to describe a certain part of a women’s anatomy. I have more respect for women than that I assured the doctor. “You must dig deeper and as a start, what is it that you like or dislike about our Senator?” my doctor went on.
I admitted I pretty much disliked everything our senator has or has not done. In addition, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t like the music he has been composing but, to be fair, I had not listened to any of his songs. By now I was rambling on so the good doctor told me he had other obligations so he bid me good bye.
Just as he hung up it hit me. Last week I received in my, “word of the day,” newsletter, the word sanctimonious. It was a mouthful and I still cannot pronounce it correctly, but the word’s definition was essentially our senator’s persona; holier-than-thou, preachy, moralizing, smug, superior, hypocritical, and insincere.
My Senator has provided me with plenty of reasons why he was opposed to just about everything including common sense, logic and science, for years. To his credit, he does respond to my phone calls and emails promptly. It is as if he is having his entire staff providing him cover for every bill and issue under consideration-just in case some nutcase like me contacts his office via the telephone, mail or internet.
Unfortunately, our Senator rarely if ever gives our duly elected President Barack Obama credit for anything he has done or is attempting to do. I heard from the other newsroom and editorial folks who, besides not giving other people credit where credit is due, think he is pushy. He expects the Salt Lake Tribune to be his mouthpiece everyday of the week. He is so annoying I bet they make their own “Freudian Slips” from time to time in responding to the Senator’s demands.
In so many ways the republican challenger for Utah’s 2nd congressional district, Morgan Pol Pot, is like our Senator Hatch. Both want limited or no government and low or zero taxes. Both are career politicians even though our Senator ran a term limit campaign against the then 3 term Senator at the time, Frank Moss back in 1976.
Senator Hatch has eclipsed Reed Smoot’s record in 2007 and has now served, primarily himself, for 34 years. His record will be hard to beat. I’m sure he’ll get the gold medal in the Sanctimonious Race as well as in the Marathon if the summer Olympics ever come to Utah.